


You Can't

by MistralSoul



Category: Tales of Eternia
Genre: And cant answer Reid, Canon Compliant, Introspection, M/M, POV Keele, POV Second Person, apparently its now focusing on both their trauma, it was supposed to be Keele doesnt know how to love, vague late game spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27244027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistralSoul/pseuds/MistralSoul
Summary: He's asking something simple of you. Something that if it were a different time, you would brush it off. Yell at him. Move on with your life. But instead, you learn you're both hurting... And you hate it.
Relationships: Reid Hershel/Keele Zeibel
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	You Can't

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I feel like writing Kiruri!  
> Me: I also feel like writing second person  
> Me: *Accidentally writes 2k of Keele and Reid introspection* Oops
> 
> But to be honest, this was meant to be short, like 500 words because second person is HARD. I figured it would be that prompt and Keele freaking out because he's getting better at human interaction but still not the best. But things got away from me and I wrote 2k of this... at least I know I can write 2k in second person?

“Kiss me,” Reid says, the tone incomprehensible to you. The command is so simple, so innocent. Yet you can’t do it, and it makes you laugh as well, well, as close as a laugh as you can muster.  _ You _ , the best scholar in both of the worlds (as much as Reid makes you believe), can’t  _ kiss  _ a  _ man _ ?

Actually, even if it was Meredy you’d be giving the same reaction, a flustered face and stuttering words. Hopeless, you were hopeless. And helpless. Funny, because you thought you’ve gotten better at socialization. At least, everyone else told you that. You hadn’t noticed, you felt exactly the same. What was different about you? Everyone else had changed, you had just stayed the same, right? You were stagnant, well,  _ were.  _ There would be times you catch yourself, say the same things with a caveat. The caveat being that was the old you. The old you would’ve said that, but the  _ new  _ you would say this other thing. 

But was that truly different? Everyone called it different, a thing that sounded bad. You simply saw it as a sign of growing up. Growing old. Growing… different.

And, as your parents taught you, love was also a sign.

So why, you wonder, as Reid stares at you with those warm eyes of his and a smile that shows both concern and compassion, you find yourself blushing. Before you would’ve shot it down, telling him to stop being childish, telling him you had no time for his games. But this was genuine.

He loved you.

Loves you, your mind corrects. There was no past tense, those words, that expression. He was staring at you with all the warmth in his heart. So why couldn’t you accept it? 

Because you thought it was reserved for Farah.

So then... _does_ he love you?

All those times… looks like that were saved for Farah. You always noticed that in between studies. Because you weren’t there. So he mingled with Farah. So he fell in love with Farah.

Besides, you were always “crybaby Keele” to him. “Stop being a crybaby,” he would say, and you knew it wasn’t out of endearment. You were a crybaby, but everyone always coddled you back then. And when you got into academia, the crying stopped. The coddling was gone, everyone treated you the way you wanted to be, and while it took a bit for the crying to subside, it did. You hadn't cried in years.

But Reid didn't see that. Or, if he did, he saw another thing that was different between the two of them. Your stamina. Because Reid didn't see intellect, at least not until recently. 

In fact, it was only recently Reid started to understand your genius. And while it felt weird, to hear him praise you, it felt good, too. Well, you couldn't really soak in the praise. But something about Reid… Praising you. Fake as it may sound, deep down inside…

His hands are on his hips now. "Come on I was joking." You don't have to listen to the next part,  _ "can't you take a joke,"  _ definitely follows, right? But his lips are saying other things. "Well, partly. I honestly just wanted to see your reaction." His arm is behind his head. "Wondered if you would actually do it."

"So you think my feelings are a joke?" 

"No, not at all! I respect you, Keele," he says, and there's that praise again. You blush, trying to hide your feelings but failing. You're an open book. 

Too bad Reid couldn't read.

Or he could read you. Your feelings were nuanced, but the main ones were obvious. Confused, flustered, embarrassed. 

The rest were feelings not even you knew.

"So then…" 

"I genuinely respect you." And you wonder how much of that was recent. He only really started complimenting you after the second trial, but there was no correlation between the Seyfert Trials and him respecting you. Besides, it's not like he ever said what happens, so perhaps it was just coincidence. "And… I'm sorry. I didn't understand you." 

You raise an eyebrow and motion for him to continue.

"Well, I always said mean things, but you were… Dealing with your own stuff. Your own feelings of insecurity."

You don't say anything, but a million thoughts cross your mind. The main one being  _ how did he know?  _ The second one being  _ surely he's making that up? _

"But I feel as though… Man this is dumb, forget I've ever said anything."

"Reid…"

"Nah, trust me, you don't want to hear it."

So you try something. You borrow a trick from his book.

"Well, if you want  _ my  _ opinion, nothing's ever going to get achieved by circling back on your opinions. Think about all the great discoveries that were made! Do you think I learned…" the words stop coming out.  _ Do you think I learned compassion by biting my tongue and never speaking?  _

It was so hard to say any of that. All of that. 

Because in that moment, Reid looks so small.

"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want any more pain for the ones I love… Any more pain that I cause." 

You hesitate. Your hand is outreached to place it on his shoulder, but you don't know any encouraging words. You just learned how to deal with people, effectively. You just learned how to speak your mind… Not efficiently, but somewhat. You just learned, and you don't know what to say.

"Is this about that incident, ten years ago?"

He nods.

You think on your next words. The question is how to say them, how to sound emotional. How to sound compassionate. Reid makes it sound so easy. He always makes it easy. Seem so easy. You wish you were like him, in some ways. Not all ways - physical activity seemed like a waste in comparison to intellectual pursuit - but you wish… You were better with people. Meredy said you were always angry, and even Farah, along with Reid, was surprised at the compassion you showed about Meredy's new found situation. But even that sounded so forced to you. Naturally forced, it wasn't second nature, but instead, a third one. You had to think harder, weigh the pros and cons, and determine that it's better to be compassionate than analytical. And no matter how little seconds those calculations take, it still frustrates you that you have to make them.

That's what's happening now, you're thinking on your words. And you know the sentiment, but sentences were an astrological equation. One wrong word, one out of place word, and your destination is off. 

"You won't hurt me. I promise."

But as you made those calculations, Reid sprung back to his normal self.

"Are you sure you're our Keele?"

"Well… uh, yeah?" Why did they keep asking you that?

Reid smiles, and in that moment you realize you've read all the books in the world, at least all that you could, but you've never read Reid's.

"Just double checking. I just, I never expected you to be so… Compassionate to others. You were always so calculating. Albeit, cold, but smart." Where was he going with this? "And a lot of times, I found myself wondering… It must be lonely to be like you.

But at the same time, I wish I could, too."

You lower the hand you realize was still outstretched, so you take it back in a hurry. 

There’s also the issue of what he said. Is he offending you? No, he couldn’t be, because he wants to… Be like you.

You don't understand. 

Before you can even make calculations, his arms are around you. You feel his embrace, and you're too flustered to embrace him back.

"Reid…"

"I think… I think I should probably take a rest, all this world saving… Takes a toll." 

But you're in the Seyfert Observatory, you can't rest. There are no beds.

"Are you sure you're you?" You deflect back to him.

"Yeah yeah." He yawns.

And then it hits you, the talking… He asked you to kiss him. And then said it was a joke. You still don't know what that was about. So you ask.

"By the way Reid…" 

He gives you a "hm?" and you carry on, hoping the words don't come out wrong. Hoping your calculations come out right.

"... Do you… Lo… Like me?"

"Of course I do!"

No. 

"I meant, stronger."

He asked you to kiss him. You never really understood the meaning of love. Your mom and dad loved each other, that you understood. They were your mom and dad, they had to love each other. And your mom and dad kissed each other, which was a sign of love.

But for some reason, you choke on the word. For some reason, you've barred that word from your vocabulary. Others could love each other, but the word wasn't applicable to you. 

"What do you think, silly?"

"Well, I don't know. I can't read you. You're impossible to read! And I've just… Always thought… You preferred Farah. You liked Farah. Because…"

"Because what?" He was genuinely curious.

"Because that's what I saw! That's what I was taught."

"Keele…"

"But then you said all these… Things! That confuse me, and make my head hurt. I honestly don't understand! You wish you could be like me? Why? I hate being me, I wish I could just be... More compassionate, more open, more flexible. This journey made me realize that! There's so much you can't get by being rigid, and I've been limiting my studies. The human psyche is so interesting and advanced, I'd like to know more, but how can I know more when I can't even read my childhood best friend?"

There's no immediate response from Reid. In that moment, you know you messed up. "Er… Forget it," you say, hoping he does. Hoping this whole thing would be forgotten about. 

But Reid smiles at you.

"I… We both haven't been honest with each other. To be honest, sometimes I say things, as a joke, but I mean them. Somewhat. I'm used to messing with you, teasing you, because that's what I did as a kid. Because I didn't understand you. And then I started to envy you. You had… Something you wanted to do, meanwhile I just wanted to keep what was dear to me, a childhood long gone…" he trails off, you don't know how to encourage him. Or to tell him to stop. He stops himself, and you're staring at him, your eyes unkind, but not uncaring. They're analyzing, but they aren't harsh. They're soft, but analytical.

Reid stops, and he smiles a smile you know, from your limited knowledge, is full of sadness.

And it hits you. Ten years ago… 

You wish you knew how to handle everything better.

"We should get back to the others,” Reid says. It isn’t a suggestion, you know enough about people to understand that. It’s a command.

But you don't want to.

"Can we… Stay?" 

Reid looks confused, shaking his head. "They're probably worried, besides -"

"Reid." There's a force that comes with his name. One you weren't expecting. And this force makes him stop in a way it makes it feel like it's just you two.

"Er, sorry but… Just how much are you carrying on you? How much that you won't let us see?"

He holds his left arm with his opposite hand. "Keele, drop it. Let's forget it."

"No." And you know you're being selfish, uncharacteristically so. But you care for him. And he cares for you.

"Why not?"

"Because I care for you!" You still choke on the words. You don't use love, because love is forbidden. But you do. You don't understand it, but then again, you don't understand Reid. And he still exists. "You make me become irrational! But you're hiding something. I know it, I'm not irrational about this. Let… Us in. Even if it's not me, let someone in. You love Farah don't you? Let her in."

That's why you couldn't say love.

Because he was taken.

And now you want to leave. But you stay there, hoping Reid would at the very least say he'll talk to Farah. Because you wanted what was best for him.

You loved him, but you knew it wouldn't happen. So you say you care, and watch from afar. You're content with that. Because that's what you've been doing your entire life. Watching Reid and Farah. Wishing to be like them. More years of that can't hurt, right?

Right?

"Keele…"

"I know, drop it."

But he approaches you. There's a hand on your shoulder, and then another. And now he's close to you. Too close. You instinctively back away, because you don't know what's going on.

"Can I?" And your comprehension skills fail in that moment. But you nod anyway.

And he kisses you. 

"I love you, Keele."


End file.
